![]() ![]() So work was annoying, it is to most people. You think all the NT's like going to work? You're not autistic, you've done all these things. And then to make matters worse, because we can 'fake it' and we force ourselves to do things that are making our insides shatter, no one wants to believe we might even have a problem. So maybe high functioning means just the opposite of that - easier on those around me but harder on me. It would have been easier for me but harder for those around me. So I guess high functioning is maybe harder to deal with because we know we can't get away with curling up into our own little world, as much as we might want to. I spent 59 years already leaving my comfort zones and, no it never made me feel safer. Each time, get a little further out of my comfort zone and I would learn it's safe and be able to extend that comfort zone. I remember the doctor saying to work on leaving the comfort zone of my car. Just because I did it, doesn't mean I was fixed. If 15 years of walking through those hallways didn't 'cure' me of not wanting to, then I can tell you it just don't work. But I knew if I did, I'd be sitting in a hospital room and no one to take care of my kids.īut my point is - it didn't get easier with practice. Maybe that's why, as I walked through the hallways to get to my floor at the hospital every day I would imagine how good it would feel to just curl up into one of the corners and pretend the real world didn't exist. Every day I had to leave my comfort zone and on the inside felt like a psycho about to explode and, to be honest, I wanted to be that person sitting in the corner in their own imaginary world, cutting out the outside world. Every day I had to go to work, go to functions with the kids, talk to strangers (kids friends parents), etc, etc. Did it help me expand my comfort zone? No. I spent over 50 years having no choice but to leave my comfort zone. No one can change what's going on inside our head so I guess the only way to FIX us is to teach us to be someone else that doesn't match who we are inside. It's like the general population thinks autism is a behavioral problem and if they can fix that, we're cured? Like the struggles we have internally is not important, only the behavior.Īctually, I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist at a behavioral health place and his intent was to help me be able to do things I struggle with doing - and, to be honest - I just don't want to do. Does high functioning mean good at masking? Reading some of the articles about the behavioral therapy just makes me want to ask that question. ![]()
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